Missing Gardener

This little corner is almost the only shade in my 1 acre yard.
So after much planting in full sun,
I was looking forward to creating this garden and getting to know a few shade plants.
Hosta, ferns, Astilabe, this was going to be fun!

When planning a garden, I always try to figure mature plant size for proper spacing but
some plants do not cooperate and haven't read their own tags.

Take the hosta below for example. I do not remember the cultivar name at the moment, but I'm sure it wasn't 'Humungous Hosta'. That would have tipped me off right away.  It crowds out whatever plant it is near.
I could have placed the nearest companion 10 ft. away and it would have been straining to touch it.
Like misbehaving siblings in the back seat of the car.

Hosta hog - ready to pounce on the unsuspecting Japanese 'Bloodgood' maple

 I'm gonna interrupt myself writing this post and go outside and measure this monster.

Okay, I'm back...It's 5 feet across with the biggest leaf measuring 1ft. 3" across and 1ft.6" long....! What is that about?

It's only early June!
Why would they have made a hosta this size? 
" Gee honey, what do you want to plant in place of the above ground pool we took out?"
" Oh, I don't know, a hosta would be nice".

You could lose a small child under there.
Gee, I hope this isn't that hosta in that famous photo with the full grown man being dwarfed by it...
Hey... wait a minute...are there state fair competitions for biggest hosta?

So now, do I dig it up and what? Give it to some gardener who happens to own a 4 acre spread and wants only one plant in his yard? Or, I could trim it back to manageable size and...leave only one leaf.

And to add to my dilemma I was given a small sprout of 'Ostrich fern' by a wonderful "friend".
I was unfamiliar with 'Ostrich Fern'.
I innocently planted it in the same shade garden.


Oh, but we are very well acquainted now.
If you look at pictures # 2 and 3, the ferns are on the left.
Covering all of the small innocent plants you can't see anymore, straining to touch whomever sits in the chair.

Let me say that one of my least favorite garden chores is having to divide or move plants.
It might take awhile to inspire myself to solve this issue.

So, if you are watching the evening news and hear of a  Long Island gardener mysteriously missing,
tell them check under the hosta.
They'll know which one.